Knowing Your Children from How They Communicate (Part I)

When a child reach the age of 10 and above, even from the way they speak, you can start to identify the nature and character (personality) of the child and recognize their communication style. Each child has their own elements of uniqueness, all which did not escape the great masterpiece design of the Creator as the Great Architect.

Therefore, in order to simplify the sorting, we divide the personality into these 9 (nine) types. Surely, each one of them has their own uniquity 🙂

  1. They Who Like to be Specific / The Perfectionist Child
  2. They Who Like to be Helpful / The Kind-Hearted or Angelic Child
  3. They Who Like to Show-It / The Performer Child
  4. They Who Like to be Imaginative and Intuitive /The Romantic Child
  5. They Who Like to Analyze / The Detective Child
  6. They Who Like to Criticize / The Critical Questioner Child
  7. They Who Like to Have Fun / The Jovial Child
  8. They Who Like to Take the Lead / The Bossy Child
  9. They Who Like it All in Harmony / The Peace-loving Child
* These Nine categories are based and inspired from the Enneagram method of research.

t1“They Who Like It to be Specific”

  1. The Perfectionist Child

Perfectionists children tend to criticize themselves. They do this to anticipate others from criticizing them in advance (either it’s their parents, brother / sister, friend or anyone else). They do not like being criticized by others because it made them feel like they did something faulty (they want to do everything the right way!).

This ability helps them to become “more mature” than their age, It’s because they have the habit (or they are trained in such a way) to be able to think precisely therefore, they are good at imagining the role of a more mature individual. However, they can be very straight to the point.

Self critic represents their efforts in suppressing their negative emotion and to fulfill the expectations of their parents and teachers.

The Perfectionists children loved being praised for their efforts… give them a consistent guidance on how they could improve themselves more and also on how to become much more patient in enjoying the process “of becoming” so they may feel more comfortable to express what they like and dislike.

t2“They Who Like to be Helpful”

  1. The Kind-Hearted / Angelic Child

A bit similar to the Perfectionist child when handling criticism. The Kind-Hearted child is very sensitive to rejection and criticism as they take it to a deeper level. These children tried their best to please others (mostly their parents) by being a very helpful and obedient child whom demonstrate compliances. They can be very expressive and may ask you many questions or else become very reserved in their own reverie.

Their have this habit of harboring their feelings or hiding their needs. They do this quietly because they do not want to disappoint or being regarded as a burden to others… They do this to make people like (and accept) them.

The Kind-hearted children need to feel they are being understood. Give them the flexibility to be themselves sincerely and a clear direction of what is proper and what is not.

t3“They Who Like to Show-It”

  1. The Performer Child

In contrast to the Kind-Hearted Child, these children does not actually worry about the criticism of others, they can take it all as a challenge for them to gain more improvement. They enjoy the feeling of being in a competition (it triggers their adrenaline!) and strive hard to achieve any award for their effort. They also like to be in the center of attention and tend to be very expressive, and by that, they expressed their opinion bluntly (even towards adults) because of their great curiosity (and their competitive nature).

A Performer Child likes to perform need to be given the chance to prove their own self. Provide them with the freedom to explore everything and guide them to understand the value of sharing… of togetherness.


“They Who Like to be Imaginative and Intuitive”

  1. The Romantic Child

The Romantic child has a very high imagination, they tend to be very sensitive and intuitive. Because of their high-level of empathy (perhaps, too much), they are able to understand the feelings of anyone or anything around them.

They would often feel lonely, disconnected or experiencing the loss of something… as a matter of fact, it is because they wanted to always feel different and unique (which they already are). This “rare” quality within made them feel that they deserved to be treated with an extra appreciation or at least with a little bit more attention than the other children (and it happens, naturally). They love to associate themselves with their idol/idealistic figures and they may become rebellious if they are being criticized or being misunderstood.

A Romantic Children would really love it when they are being treated fairly by people around them, no matter of their age, it helps them to be able to express their honest feelings. For the Romantic Child, the world of arts may consistently foster their social skills, frequently consulted them about living a life with diverse environments and ask their opinion in return, also of how unique everyone already is. It will balance their empathy and tolerance in life.


“They Who Like to Analyze”

  1. The Detective Child

These children spent much of their time alone, whether it’s reading, doing their hobbies, collecting unique stuff, and others. Their mind are filled with curiosity about everything in life as it is also an independent mind. They are happy to use their excellent logic of thinking, they like to question their teachers and often display themselves without emotion so to express that they are not afraid. A scientist-stereotype. They do this because they are actually very sensitive with their feelings and try to avoid any personal conflict as much as possible. They highly appreciate their privacy and do not like to be controlled by anyone nor under any domination of others without their approval.

A bit similar to the Romantic child in terms of questioning about life, let these children explore how intelligent they are. Help them learn to see the world from a wider point of view, ask their opinions about humanity and pure love. Direct them to begin to understand the reality of life and how the causal law runs. Cooperate with them to expand their friendship and become acquainted with various kind of people, cultivate their ability to socialize naturally.


“They Who Like to Criticize”

  1. The Critical-Questioner Child

They are generally friendly and easy to be familiar with other people, they can be relied upon when they are given an instruction to do something. However, when appointed with multi-tasking they may express fear of bad things to come, such as the risk of dangers that might occur, fear of insecurity, and so on… They are very aware about their safety. Their anxiety is usually adopted from their parents, as they grew up watching it, this is also why they like to be within a group or a solid community so they may feel safe.

The critical-questioner children need to feel safe and secure. Give them direction so that they are able to undergo everything by doing it one by one, to acquire mutual interest in listening and speaking in return, to become calm and composed. Be attentively aware when communicating with these children as they may scan your gestures, mimic and your reactions, in an advancing manner.



“They Who Like to Have Fun”

  1. The Jovial Child

The Jovial children are action oriented and likes adventures as they are fascinated with freedom. Imagine a fairy tale about a trip to the magical land, meeting fairies and pirates. This is how they are, they can be very spontaneous and able to easily get along with adults. Surprisingly, the jovial children would prefer not being alone even though they would immediately want freedom after it (they do not like the feeling of being attached to anyone) .

In communicating with The Jovial Child, clearly specify the rule of the house. Explain them who is the decision maker or the leader, so these children learn to adapt themselves to the circumstances. Teach them to be friendly, give them direct lessons in open nature (be it camping, fishing, scouting, hiking, etc.) so they learn how to be compact as a team and also to make peace with their own emotions, by balancing the physical and the non-physical.



“They Who Like to Take the Lead”

  1. The Bossy Child

These children shows a naturally independent attitude since their early stage with great energy, they generally liked the physical activity and able to influence their friends to follow their footsteps. Even so, they do this in advance so that they are not under anyone’s control. They would not hesitate to show their energetic spirit and able to fight back verbally (or physically), if provoked. These children needs a lot of tenderness and reassurance that everything is fine and that no one would get hurt or hurt them and the ones they loved.

When communicating with these children, help them to be able to express their concern and expectations, direct them to arrange their activities with good time management and show them that you believe in their capability. Appreciate their perseverance, accompany them when they are upset. Direct them to understand that everything in life happens naturally and requires a process and that everyone continue to learn as much as they are too.

Most important of all, teach them tenderness and compassion to be able to forgive.


“They Who Like it All in Harmony”

  1. The Peace-loving Children

As the name implies, they would love everything to be in peace and the situation to be calm and neutral.

These children prefer not to become a burden for anyone. In a case of conflict, for example, they would rather disappear than resolving the issues immediately (unless, they are forced to do so). This behavior is actually the result of their consideration in wanting to defend the interests and to meet the needs of both parties: “a win-win solution” by decreasing everyone’s burden with their presence.  So it’s either they are able to do something about it and established peace in the situation.  Or, they are not able to do something about it, and look for peace in the aftermath (after they have gone or walk away from the situation). They rejects anger and so they keep it for themselves. Uniquely, they can have a very strong emotional bond with nature.

The peace-loving children think everyone’s needs are equally important and might be confused on how to transfer their understanding to people around them as to keep it reasonable still. Even so, they are fiercely loyal to their family and is obedient to follow the rules. Be continuous in giving them appreciation. It is most effective to develop their communication and social skill by encouraging them to play and perform various physical activities in open nature.

Again, show them how you appreciate their dedication but also point them out on how to have fun, and that it’s okay to be silly and spontaneous at times. Continue to challenge them on trying new things

Please keep in mind that their character development are influenced by what they see, hear and feel since their early age, including their parent’s behavior and the condition of their closest environment, which is the family. These are the basic factors in the Enneagram which affect the child development in reaching adulthood.

Of course, a more in-depth dialogue with the Parents would be needed in order to know more of the causal effect which has constructed the children’s communication style, pattern and Enneagram type.

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